A Rare Moment

Where I dont upload any pictures. I've been on a lack-of-doodles slump and I would like to blame it on the fact I dont have a sketchpad at the moment, but that's never stopped me before. I can draw on anything so long as it holds a mark (and can preferably be scanned into a computer). I will however blame it on stress, work, and writing. These days most of my doodle time cedes to the aforementioned.

---

All this aside, I had some thoughts on why artists & creators tend to be their own worst critics. Its something that most people who are friends, family, or even just co-workers of creators should be blatantly aware of. As soon as we put some art work, story, or game in the world, where people can interact, view, or play with, we doubt ourselves. We brace in anticipation of harsh criticism. Why did I do that? We ask. Why did I write that story like that? Why did I think I could write at all? Why did I post that picture, didn't I know it wouldn't be received? Why did I think I could make a game? (or in most cases, help make a game).

Its true, in one of the eternal perverse struggles of a content creator, we desperately desire an audience for our work. We want people to read our stories. To view our art. To play with our games. We starve for an audience, and some of us (myself included) yearn for critique. Not criticism, mind you. Not trolls or vitriol, not hatred or anger. As much as we want fans, we mostly want peers. People who understand the form we toil in, who we consider at the very least our equals. Its more than validation (thought its a bit about validation, especially if we feel we are impostors in a form we admire if not adore) its about getting better. If all you have are fans, how can you improve? You need the guidance of those who came before you, who shape the craft. That is, after all, why meet-ups, workshops, and classes exist.

We put ourselves out there because we must. Art cannot exist in a vacuum. Even when we believe ourselves impostors; even when we believe our work is paltry, pathetic, worse than an imitation, we ask others to view it. And we can be our own worst critics because we know how to battle ourselves. We know how to be harsher than the average consumer. We know all the faults, flaws, and mistakes in our work. Because of how close we get to what we create. When you surround yourself in your work, delve deep into the creative process, you become blind to what you're doing. All you see, throughout your struggles to create what your mind designs, are what you do wrong. So when you put it out into the world (despite the crushing self-doubt and needless anxiety – the desire to be viewed trumping even the greatest fear) the finished product is never right. Its merely as good as its going to get.

We struggle to see the created work as a whole.

---

My personal mantra has recently changed from "do it because you have no mental choice" (like write or draw, two compulsive habits of mine I've fed and nourished from childhood) to "fake it till you make it." It stems from my recent foray into the "real working world" – something that I find a bit too silly to take most days. For some bizarre reason, people want me to create art for them – and will pay me to do it! Are they blind? Crazy? Artistically challenged? Obviously, the answer to all of these is a resounding NO. These companies are run by smart, capable people who actually like my work. WHAT??? WHAAAAT???? I find myself asking. Because its hard to get over being an artist. Its hard to see past all the flaws to the good. But you have to fake-it-till-you-make-it. Thats the only way to improve; the only way to make it in this "real working world." Because, I believe you'll find, everyone else is doing the same.

More Fan Art (F'Art)

After watching Thor II: The Dark World my friends and I all agreed we would love to see a sit-com tv show with *just* Loki and Thor living together in an apartment. In my mind, they would be unable to return to Asgard, and would have to find a way to survive in New York without any discernible work skills. 

The following morning I had a prologue, an opening title sequence, and the two character designs. I even have the beginnings of a plot and the Big Bad. It wouldn't be a tv show, though, it would be a web comic. Once I finish with Billie VS season 2 (and go on my season long break) I might take a crack at the fan-comic. I mean, it really should be done, even if its not done very well. 

Late in the game I realized...

By the time I got to animating the last sprites (the hardest as Sam's hair kept changing) I realized it would have been easier (and possibly less cliche) to have her be brunette. Alas. Too late.

Sam's brown haired sister, Maggie

Initially, when I started the jam, I came with an idea rather than a mechanic. This is one of the problems with being a writer and not a game designer. I think in terms of story first, gameplay second. Games are (and should be) built gameplay first, story second.

But I really wanted to do something unexpected. To discuss "strong female characters" in a larger frame. Of course, thats what novels and essays are for. But I wanted to talk about how one of my favorite movies, The Secret of NIMH stars an incredibly strong female character. Despite her timidity and fears, she goes on an adventure to save her family. Its the perfect metaphor for what I believe.

We use strength as a gendered term, implicitly. Especially when we frame strength with physical feats. Strength is masculine. But it doesn't have to be. When we talk about strength, we should speak of strength of character. What makes a character strong? I have a theory. Its not about cutting their hair and joining the army (masquerading as a man, naturally). Its not about being a body builder or an archer or competing in a sport not designated for your gender. Its about the things you believe in and those you hold closest – and the lengths you are willing to go to protect/defend all that you hold dear. Its not about being perfect, flawless, and unemotional. Its about being flawed and complex, realizing these faults, and overcoming whatever demons/ problems you face regardless of them.

What makes a good strong character, is a character who, despite their faults, succeeds. Who faces insurmountable – even magically improbable – challenges and at best, wins, at worst, survives.

Doodles and BennyBatch

Dont you love how internet fans can be so informal with celebrities they've NEVER met? Cause I do :). I used to care, but then I realized, its not like I'm ever going to meet anyone even half famous, so why worry about fan nick-names? Though it does mean admitting I'm fan enough to know this stuff. I never thought I would be one of them! (... one of us... one of us... one of us...)

I admit, I was actually just doodling body types. I have a range of characters I *haven't* drawn (or in the case of FemDocWho – who I haven't drawn the full body of) and I had about an hour before projects let out. I like to attempt to vary up my body designs. I'm not too sure how successful that is. At least in faces I think I'm getting better.

And then BennyBatch appeared. I know he doesn't *actually* look like that, but I was NOT looking at reference pictures. This is how my MIND visualizes him. And thats an approximation of his hairstyle in Star Trek: Into Derpness. All I kept thinking, whole movie long was: DAT VOICE. 

Also, if you haven't given Fall Out Boy's new cd a listen, you TOTALLY should. I've been listening to it non-stop. My personal favorite is "Young Volcanoes." 

What's going on?

Well sketching has pretty much fallen by the wayside. Not to say that I don't sketch. That would be like saying I don't eat. They're both a fundamental part of getting through the day. Its just that I haven't sketched anything half decent. I think I scribbled a spaghetti line with a number three pencil the other day. And possibly drew a couple (or dozens) of eyes in the margin of my brother's English assignments. Still, nothing worth posting.

What is worth posting is my progress. Though I wont be sending in the episodes till May (and they wont launch on the website till June) I have written 4 episodes of Billie VS. Which is EXCITING. A) because I finally got off my lazy butt and started writing again, and B) its proving to me that plotting BEFORE writing makes a great deal more sense than not.

Even though the plot has changed a touch. Just a minor bit. I turned the Big Bad from a single character to an entire organization. Oh Person of Interest, what you do to my stories. This, however, means the next couple of episodes I had plotted are now going to change. The upside: I only plotted up to episode 6. Downside: before I write PAST episode six, I have to return to outlining the plot. :/

What this has taught me: planning surprisingly works. Writing well is hard and I don't like how my narrative voice sounds. Self editing will be my saving grace. And even after the initial inspiration has died and the story sits stagnant, if you have all your planning easily available and are willing to modify on the go, writing isn't as difficult as it appears.

Writing by the seat of your pants

Now that I think about it, anything "by the seat of your pants" sounds like a weird thing. It probably means the car cushion or something, historically. But its still a odd thing to say. Where, exactly, is the seat of my pants? Not the seat of me, or my butt, but of my pants.

Pictured: seat of your pants (Credit: Morguefile.com)

Anyway, I've come to a good realization. Not very startling. Just stumbled upon it this month. As I have been chipping ever so diligently (might I say, even obsessively) at the new series for BigWorldNetwork.com, I've been forced to think about what I learned from my last, not so stellar season/ series.

In general, I tend to write by the seat of my pants. I get a vague skeletal structure to work off of, a great cast of characters with tons of conflict to drive the story, and some sort of fantastical/mysterious element (I like fantasy and I think "mystery" is compelling) to keep it fun. Then I set out to write as my fingers so fall. Its not a bad practice, as so much as misguided. For a personal, novel length project, it can work. But for a weekly updated e-series, not so much. Which was my first mistake with Adeline.

Originally Titled "How Adventure Bit A Polite Society Lady in the Arse"

I had a silly idea, written down on 5 pages. Inspired by "Pirates in an Adventure with Scientists" no less. It was meant to be just goofy fun. I wasn't even going to do anything more with those 5 pages, besides let them sit on my computer to be forgotten. But then one fateful day, while reading one of the multitudes of webcomics I read, I stumbled across a banner for BigWorldNetwork. It looked like a webcomic, actually. In my never-ending quest for more webcomics to read, I clicked on it - to discover it was an e-series! Now, slightly curious, I clicked on the submissions tab and discovered they really didn't have much of a policy besides "submit here please."

Which I did. I took Adeline, an idea I wasn't too particularly attached to that had 5 pages of an intro episode, and sent it in with an introductory email. I figured, what the hell, right? If they like it, it could be a fun experience. If they dont like it, no harm done. Color me surprised when they liked it. The only problem was I didn't have anything planned, like, at ALL. I just had the intro to an odd-world, a reluctant heroine, and an idea about Pirates. Essentially, I wrote by the seat of my pants. And the story paid for it. Because I never was enamoured with the idea in the first place.

NOT my plot (Credit: Morguefile.com)

Oh sure, I boned out a plot, but it was flimsy and ill-fated at best. Each part fell into place after the current episode was written. Word of advice: DONT DO THIS! Its a BAD IDEA.

The second season was better in some places and worse in others. I didn't even have a vague theme to work with this time. At least the first season was Pirates! The second one I came up with in the middle of projects, furiously scribbling out my ideas on an expansive white board. I know everyone has their own method for brainstorming and inception, but I tend to do it in a linear fashion: as in, I write out every last thought, be it stupid or genius in sentence/ paragraph form. It works for me.

something like this, but with much more words

In the end, Season 2 suffered from a lack in character arcs, a flimsy story, and a rushed ending.

-----------------------------------

This time around I fully intend to do this better. Again, not right, but improved. I'll learn from my last series and plan, actually plan. Thing is, this e-series spans (from the looks of things) a couple of seasons. It requires specific episodes to set up very specific plot points – while balancing multiple sub plots, characters, and Big Bads. I've been using two particular tv-series to model off of. Well, I use "model" liberally. I figure this style of writing is more the intersection of where novel meets tv-series. We'll see how this all pans out, but I have every intention of creating a sturdy skeleton to work off of before diving into the language and style of the story itself.

Frozen and other Animations

Was looking at "Frozen" artwork. Some claim it isnt the real artwork - just really high quality fan work - but I find that hard to believe. Well, not that hard. It would explain why each bit of art looks exactly like previous Disney properties. Its still... rather depressing. "The Snow Queen" is one of my all-time favorite fairytales - though I always forget to add as a caveat "except I ignore all the religiosity within the tale." But maybe thats because I owned the abridged version when I was a kid. 

In response I started drawing more kids-y characters. Actually, she's a character from an older story I've decide to tinker with. Why create new stories when there's so many old ones to fix?

Time and Other Problems

I'm not very good at keeping a time log. In fact, I dont. Keep a time log. As in, how long I work on a single project/ illustration. See, it depends. If I finish (and I use finish very loosely) within the day, then I'll have a fair idea. Because I'll have checked when I started (or maybe I started "somewhere after lunch but before snack") and I'll glance at the clock when I finished ("wow! I've been working on this for 6 hours!") But for things like, say, FemDocWho or any other massive photoshop painting project that I've recently undertaken, time becomes... less countable. Sure, if I kept an excel document it would be easy to tell, but I dont.

Why is this important? I dunno - I've been told that on my portfolio its good to include how long it takes you to complete a project. Some of my projects (that I have completed but didn't time) were made so long ago that I have no clue how long it could have taken. Was it a month? A week? A whole semester?

Here's what I do know: I spend far more time painting in photoshop than I do drawing on paper. I dont know if I'm over painting or under painting. I draw really fast. Maybe not super fast - but I can usually beat out a rough  thumbnail /illustration in under five minutes. Full, pretty looking graphite (non digital) illustrations usually take two to three hours. Sometimes even four. The massive drawings I did for Drawing III (as I like to call it, UGA liked to call it "Intermediate Drawing") took me about a week each (not including the rough - prelims, the thumbnails, and the 14 x 9s).

Making a decision or two...

... And managing not to stick to any. I was possessed (as one usually is) by an idea and began pursuing it in my nighttime hours. I'm thinking of doing a new series for Big World Network. Or something. Its been a sad dry spell for more than a couple of months - so writing anything at this point is good news. Upside: its not a comic, so I dont have to decide whether or not to stop working on TSU. Downside: I know how long my furious spur of inspiration lasts, and its very short. I know, inspiration is overrated. SERIOUSLY. But I've been staying up SUPER late trying to get all these scenes and thoughts out of my head before they get lost. Just to have a framework to go off of. Interestingly enough, I have a whole second season planned, but no first season... I'm going to have to work on that.

Anyway: I figure I'd be able to hack something out, framework wise, for the first season, and then resume writing for BWN. And include illustrations, as they seem to be working the most for me (instead of comics >.> poo poo).

I started drawing specific scenes from my night time endeavors - and discovered that the easiest way to take it from thumbnail to final product is to just trace it in photoshop and draw/color it in there. Which I'll have to do for the Not-God Loki scenes I doodled in January. And I'll have to start drawing scenes for the first season of this new idea. ... Oh, it needs a title, doesn't it? YEAH. 

One such scene. In fact, the only scene I've taken from all the little sketches I've doodled. I've got a lot more work to do on this one, but at least its started. And I really like the color scheme and character expression. Sadly, this is an illustration from the second season. I know - how can you have a second season without a first!? Easy: I'm the queen of getting ahead of myself and writing what I like to call "fanfictions of my own, unwritten stories." In fact, I think I may have more fanfictions of unwritten stories than the stories themselves. One of my friends claims that its technically cannon if I wrote it for myself, but I like to think of them as backstories (or future stories) that no one but me will ever read.

Season two, on the other hand, is cannon, I've just got to figure out how the character gets there. Where does she start? What does she do? What sort of character arc occurs? Who's the big bad - and what sort of themes does the storyline deal with? There's a lot of work ahead of me. But at least I have a clear vision of where I want to go. Its the getting there thats going to be interesting.

Wok wok wok

I've mostly been doing client work, so there's not much I can show, what with NDAs and all. But I did make some time today for painting in photoshop. I got the Master's face! Next: the HAIR. Oh dread. :/ (missing eyebrows, iris, and lip color, of course). The jacket is not quite where I want it either, but I'm geting closer! YAY! 

I did manage to finish Justin's portrait (so he can stop pestering me about when I'll get it done.) AND I've been working on some super secret personal project! If we get the green light I might drop a few more hints about it. If we dont get the green light, I suspect I'll just put the whole thing up online. Cause I dont know when it will get done otherwise. (I know, how cryptic. Its a project. It was going to be a side project, but it looks like it might be a full semester project. A GAME project. So, yeah, cryptic. :) )

New Portfolio Yo!

Click the image! Dont be shy! It takes you to my Portfolio!

It took me a hella long time to admit defeat, but this past week and a half, I was forced to. The old website I used took two weeks to make, required extensive time for formatting, html coding, and seeking the files themselves, and was housed on a university system I'm sure hasn't been updated since the late nineties. Early twenty first century at the latest.

Updating the website was near impossible, as it would require both a major overhaul of the layout and of the host interface. I feared having to spend another two weeks working on a new website, in hopes that I could find a host that was cost effective and pleasant enough to navigate through. But I needed a new portfolio, and I knew that. Not that I've done too much new work (in fact, I've done meager as compared to Undergrad) but I will be. Which requires a site that I could easily update.

My friends, I bit the bullet. In a manner of speaking. I sucked it up, went on wordpress, and learned how to make a decent (but by no means mind blowing) web-portfolio. Yes I did. Due mostly to the basic html that chose to resurface at the prime moment. I knew taking that web design class back in high school would pay off! Tables my friend. Tables. Tables are the solution to all of websites little design problems. Well, for the most part, in any case. Wordpress doesn't like when you go into the html and attempt to change things. It gets... pissy. 

Wordpress is a pain in the butt, make no mistake. But its so much easier to update. And all the little glitches can be fixed. Though they drive me up the wall. 

A Guest Speaker!

So I went to the Project Manager workshop today. This is unusual as I am neither the Project Manager, nor usually invited to extra workshops. Especially not ones with a 12 person cap. It was fun. But as we neared the end of class I started... drifting off. I usually draw to keep my mind engaged. I know it sounds counter intuitive, but its true. Thats why I doodled all the way through elementary, middle, and high school, all the way to today. 

See, there's a difference between "doodling" and "drawing." For me, doodling is something automatic, a process I use to garner information while keeping my mind engaged. Cause if I dont, I'll probably zone out. No, not probably, definitely. I use doodling to focus. But drawing on the other hand requires a bit more focus and concentration on the art itself. And thats when I get in trouble. When the doodling turns into drawing, and I lose myself into the art work. Cause then (and only then) I'm gone and you've lost me, and I wont hear a word said or see a thing done. 

Around the end of class (5 pm) I was so done. I was tired, hungry, and functioning off less sleep than I like. Plus, its a friday. So concentration was difficult, to say the least. Inevitably, I wound up drawing our lecturer's face. Kinda. I mean, it looks mostly like him. He had a wide jaw and a formidable start to a wild-man beard. 

Have I mentioned how much I love drawing pencils lately? Cause I do. Oh so much. I cant believe what a fool I was when I was younger. Thinking I liked the precision of mechanical pencils. PAH! They dont have anything near the expression and fluidity of proper pencils. MMM. Love them.

(I might be a bit ... loopy. Wow, that was nearly incomprehensible. I apologize. I know I err on non sequitur a lot, but this was pretty bad.)

A backlog of sorts

I was going through some old file folders on my computer (which is a funny thing to say, considering I've only had this computer for a semester and a half) when I came across some year old images I never posted. I dont know why I never posted these. (I mean, besides the fact that I didn't launch this blog till the summer, and I drew these in the spring.) A little, lying part of my mind continuously insists that I've posted at least the Ziggy Stardust pictures somewhere on the internet. Because I can invision the backstory that goes along with it in type. Hmm. :/

I was going through a phase (and I sorta feel like I still am) of drawing the character's heads too small for their bodies. Or maybe, more accurately, their bodies too big for their heads (as I draw heads first). The girl on the left is Maria, a character from Ordinary Citizens. I didn't quite get her right. And it looks like her upper body (esp her shoulders) is too high up. On the right is ... oh, thats right, I never did pin down her name. Well, she's a character from a dream I had. Involving what could only be described as "X-Men meets Battlestar Galactica meets Falling Skies." 

A "disney" styled sketch of Adeline. From the internet serialization that I write. I mean, this isn't at all the right style, or what she even looks like, but it was fun to draw. 

Aaaand, the Ziggy Stardust story. So, up until a year ago there was a sister site/ competition to NaNoWriMo, called Scriptfrenzy. Scriptfrenzy took place over April (instead of November), and involved writing a 100 paged script in the month. It was a fun little adventure, one I found far more productive than NaNoWriMo, which introduced me to very useful tools like Celtx. They had featured on their site a little "random plot generator" that spun like a slot machine in a video-game and pulled up very, incredibly nonsensical plots. Except for the rare times that it didn't.

I saved all the silly plots that I believed I could do something with (using screen capture and a pictures folder) - eventually using one idea to graph out a Mid-grade story, one to create a massive project (involving a comic, an illustrated book, a collection of poems, a play, and a novella), and the other to draw 3 characters and no story. The first two ideas are on the back-burner for now (they're actually really good ideas!) the last one... is never gunna happen.

But it did involve Ziggy Stardust, a dim-witted but incredibly hansom pool boy, and Ziggy Stardust's #1 Fan. And how, together, they had to save the world. Or was it universe? Either way, they had to save the day and it was going to be utterly ridiculous. I even rocked out a new style for the story. Alas, it was never meant to be.

Some Sketchbook Sketches

I know I didn't mention it before, but this past weekend I participated in the Global Game Jam! (yes, that is the game I worked on). There were a handful of sketches, but for the most part we just jumped RIGHT in. It wasn't like there was a whole lot of time for concept art either. 

None of these sketches relate to the game, but I did one or two during the Game Jam (whilst on my breaks). 

Like this one. I did this before we divided up into teams. I'm still on a monster kick, so there's a pseudo anthro owl, a gryphon head, a mutant pig with wings, and the face of a beluga whale. Beluga's are cute, in that slightly terrifying way. Though I think most water creatures are terrifying. Even mammals like dolphins or whales. 

Right before the Gamejam started I was playing around with some of the Sponsor's games (namely Doll Divine – yes, sometimes I am a seven year old girl) and got an interesting idea stuck in my head. No, its not about clothing or dress-up. Its about dragons. Which is perfect, after all, I've been on this weird monster thing this whole month. So the above 3 pages of sketches was me trying to get one of the main characters right. I have this vision that the whole comic will be Miyazaki in theme (beyond his style because thats just something I cant replicate - hello lawsuits!); mostly in terms of the story. 

And more sketches! These too, were attempts at getting the style right. I think I've got it nailed (which is nice) and can extend it to the rest of the characters, male, female, old, young, etc. 

But, as life would have it, I haven't had much time to devote to plotting and scripting. And this new idea is coming into direct conflict with that other, equally fun Idea I've been toying with for the past semester and a bit. Because I very well know, I cant do more than one story at once. I can do them separately: as in one week work on story A, next week work on story B, following week back to A; but at the same exact time? OVERWHELMING. So... there's that. And then there's the client work myself and my team have been doing. NOT to mention the 2 weeks I've been sick. 

Yes. Sick. Like, out for 1 and 1/2 weeks because of Flu. Come back a week later and work, feeling healthy. Go to Game Jam the following week of good Health, come back with a Head Cold and AHHH Sinus PRESSURE! I think Vancouver hates me.

A redraw of sorts

Greg Land's original cover

So, this is my take on this cover on Escher Girls. I felt I had to redraw it, not because of the shiny melon boob, but because of the silks. It took me FOREVER to figure out that Nightwing is *supposed* to be restrained. Which he doesnt look. Because of how the silks "hold him". So, I did my best. 

I mean, LOOK at that. The silks are just free floating everywhere. They're not even HOLDING his leg. And you expect me to believe with that look of disgust that he's not kicking the ever living life out of red cape there? His hands are contorted in pain/ struggle, his muscles bulge, and yet he's not even properly restrained. If the silks were that loose, he'd be able to at least swing a punch. Look at that fist! He wants to! UGH. 

My redraw. Apparently I have problems with layout.

I cant promise its genius or anything, but I tried to fix the tension on the silks. I figured they could still be free floaty and magical, so long as they were taunt where they wrapped around his body. 

I also changed the perspective on the woman because she's facing the viewer which makes NO SENSE. Its not as seductive as I think it was supposed to be. (I'm making tons of assumptions here). But she comes across as the villainess seductress, the way she's smile/ pouting and restraining Nightwing, and how she's caressing his face (and look at that hand on his thigh!)... But none of that comes across in the original. She's too far away from him. There's this lack of tension between the two of them (not to mention the horrible lack of tension in the silks). And, of corse, she's facing her body away from Nightwing and towards the reader.

the underdrawing. See, boobs!

So her shiny melon boob is gone. Its not my fault the character has all these flowing silks over her body. If she didn't have the cape thing you could totally see side boob. But thats how it goes. I also changed the hand she's caressing/ gripping his face with, because it makes MORE SENSE. Yes, it takes away your view of her boob, but now she looks in control. 

Journal, Eh?

I was up late last night. This was due at midnight and I didn't have a cover so I just grabbed the doodle I was working on and slapped it onto of the "cover". I actually really love the way the two colors work. That was not intentional. I was just trying to darken the colors and it didn't work, but I left the darker BEHIND the top and it looks super! 

I might be a bit brain-dead. JUUUUUUST a bit. 

Lotsa Sketches Little Time

I've been sketching NON STOP. I've also been rather busy (nonstop) so I haven't been able to consolidate all the sketches into single files. ANY WHO.

A flying Pig. Its a work in progress (there's another character that needs to be added to the scene - and the feathers need more detail/ sharper shadow) but I like it :). ALSO: check out my new signature! YEAH. 

And then there's this, for the Hawkeye Initiative, it might not be twisty but it sure as hell is broken spined. The best way to tell if the pose is physically possible or not is to flip the image so Batgirl (and Hawkeye) are standing on their tipie-toes. Like, its not physically possible. I know. I tried. So its not seductive, but its also not human. Like, at all. Are superheroes treated in this fashion? I dunno. I dont personally have a large litany of comics to go off of. 

The best part of where I got this pose from: this isn't the worst offender in the issue. There are 2 kick sequences that make NO SENSE and a landing sequence that, if actually performed, would have KILLED Batgirl. And this is in a "Girl Frenzy" issue, done in sort of a "hey girls, look how kick ass our heroines are, please read us !!!" from the late nineties. Except, its totally full of broken body parts and plastic, static poses. 

Pen Sketches!

I usually say something along the lines of "I like to see how well I know a character by drawing them in ink" but in this case I just didn't have a pencil. And had... FEELINGS.

The return of the "baconator." Except (if you can manage to read my handwriting) its no longer going to be the baconator. Or bacon. Just a rectangular character with BIG EYES. Who may or may not remain wearing that cape. The right side of the drawing was all my feelings in tonights group meeting. It started with the guy above the NO, then became the NO (and stayed there for some time) then became the begrudging acceptance, then slightly confused guy.

I think the expression on this version is better than the one on the page

My Mantra

I know I tend to get critical of myself (after all, I am my own worst critic!) and complain about the nit-picky things I dont like with my art... but I just wanted to share my mantra. Its something I forget to tell people, so I think they walk away thinking I'm one of those "woe is me I'm a bad artist but please look at my art and re-affirm my self esteem" artists. Not that I've ever heard that. I just, I worry I dont express myself well.

Anyway.

It's quite simple, really, but it goes like this: I am young. I have time to get better. I must get better. I will get better. I will always get better. I will never stop drawing (and in some cases, writing). Never. Stop. Drawing. I may not be there yet, but I'm getting there. I will get there.

So yeah. Thats about it. I mean it too, this stuff I tell myself when looking at other artists. You know, the really super good ones. The ones that are 18 or 19 or 30+ or 50+. I say, I may not be as good as them, I may not have their style, but I have my own style. And it may not be super great or anything, but it will be. One day.

So I may be critical of myself, but I do it so I can get better.

*and by "there" I mean the point when you look back on your art: a week, month, year, or years after drawing it and go "mmm. Not bad. Not bad at all." and stroke your magnificent invisible villain beard.

no joke, colored in MS PAINT and drawn in middle school.

did this tonight to show how far I've come

and just a colored sketch

If this is how far I've come, imagine how far I'll go.

Me Vs Color

... I wish I didn't have such troubles with color. I know, I really do, I should stick to the style I can do (as in: the boy sitting) but still, I branch out. I say, hey, I can color like other artists do.

You know what? I cant. Not right now. Not at my level. I just, I feel like I dont understand color.

I just keep going at it like a semi-blind person in a cave somewhere miles beneath the earth where the only light is coming in from a pinprick in the ceiling. UGH. COLOR. I swing wildly about and hope I hit something good. For the most part, its bat guano. But sometimes (with the help of Kuler - thanks Adobe!) I can get close (but not... not really there). I think its a mixture of color and painting techniques: I'm getting the techniques a lot quicker than I am the color. Just look at my gray scales! I think they're BALLIN. (to me, for me; maybe not to other more professional artists...) but COLOR – UGH.

... which doesn't work as an illustrator who needs to color their images... or a comic artist... UGH. COLOR.

this is me failing at complementary shadows

not necessarily failing, in this case, but its just not doing what I want it to.

and a close up. I really REALLY like the textures the color at the bottom of the jacket gives.

UGH. I just dont know man. BUT! I did discover a ballin pass-through (thats what those things are called, right? the drop down box with "normal, multiply, opacity, etc" right?) called "divide" and when you paint with greys and blacks on a white background does that wicked thing with the hair there. ITS SO WHITE!